Choice and Marriage
One has probably heard of arranged
marriages but has never really taken the time to research and find out the
tradition there is to this type of marriage. This type of marriage is a tradition
in which has been passed down from generations to generations. Most arranged
marriages are typically a marriage where the person’s parents or a relative
chooses the spouse. Most of the time arranged marriages are misunderstood or
confused with forced marriages. Although some arranged marriages could become a
forced marriage, arranged marriages differ substantially from forced marriages.
In the novel One Amazing Thing, Chitra
Divakaruni discusses the custom of an arranged marriage. For example an intriguing
character that carries an amazing background in the book about her arranged
marriage is the old Chinese woman named Jiang. Her father arranged her to marry
a total stranger, from one day to the next due to certain circumstances. The
experience she got with this marriage was of a different kind because she
didn’t even know or feel the love she had for the man she married, it just
sprung within her. Arranged marriages give the opportunity to learn to love
someone with all his or her flaws. Although arranged marriages are not as bad
as some may think, everyone should be able to choose who they want to marry
because it may make a person settle, you have to know who you are getting
married to, and lastly arranged marriages may possibly interfere with fate.
Arranged marriages are practiced by many
cultures. In the Indian culture it is a tradition that has been kept for many
centuries. In today’s modern world some Indians still believe in withholding
their backgrounds customs and traditions while others are not so fawn of it. For
instance in the article “ From India… Love Arranged Marriage Custom Poses
Dilemma For Indians Born in the United States” Merideth Moss writes about
Daughter Vallita’s who believes in arranged marriage to be something
she accepted and respected for her parents. Vallita argues that although it
maybe a different kind of marriage, it works because “It's love after marriage
- not before." Therefore Vallita just as the Chinese Character Jiang in
the novel of One Amazing Thing, she
believes in learning to love someone and marrying someone because of the
importance of their parent’s traditional customs. Even if Vallita does not
oppose the thought of being in an arranged marriage, she is going to have to
settle with the given spouse her parents select for her. She must go through
the process of marrying him even if she does not know for sure whether he is
compatible for her because all that matters is that her parents think he is the
right one for her.
Some
people may agree that it takes a long time to actually get to know a person,
for what they truly are. Some people of the Indian culture value their parent’s
input especially when it comes down to selecting a spouse for them. The parents
choose wisely and are very patient through the process because the match must
be adequate and precise. The parents will pick someone from the same social caste;
share the same cultural belief for their son or daughter. But in the process,
what happens when the parents choose someone for them but only because they
cannot find someone better. Does the child have an alternative? It is hard to
consider because in arranged marriages a person is strained to get to know the
person after their marriage and hope that love begins to arise between them no
matter the circumstances. As divorces in the Indian culture is not an option.
No wonder there is a low divorce rate in arranged marriages compared to love-match
marriages in America. If the love does not grow people in arranged marriages they
still have to live married to them because divorce is deliberately wrong in
their culture. Even if they are not living happy and have met someone who might
be their soul mate and not the partner their parents chose for them.
A
traditional type of marriage can mean various things for different cultures.
For example, some people may believe a marriage is something that unites a
person to another and they become one. It’s fate that happens when a person
meets the perfect person to whom they choose to marry and love them through
sickness and through health until death due them apart. If a marriage is
arranged between parents does it interfere with fate and of truly meeting your
soul mate? Some may argue differently but in a fair case it can truly interfere
with destiny and a person will never get to know their real soul mate who is
just out there without them.
Forced marriages are very different from
arranged marriages especially in the kind of cultures that practice that sort
of custom. Even though both types of marriages can be alike in some ways, for
example both marry off to strangers or people whom they have not yet interacted
with. However people who practice or are going into the process of arranged
marriages can veto their parent’s decision in whom they have decided their son
or daughter shall marry. The son or daughter can reject their parent’s options
therefore having the parent look and decide for a different spouse candidate. Some
of the son’s or daughter’s believe that the choice or opinion in a spouse is
very important because they have much more experience and they do not seem to
know anyone else who would make a perfect match for them. They value their parent’s
input especially because the parents will not choose anyone who is not
compatible with their son or daughter. They will choose someone who is perfect
and will take every remark of the candidate serious, they will be from the same
social caste system and have the same religion and beliefs. The parents will choose
the correct person for their offspring and overall they have the patience to
choose wisely. Although it is probably correct to consider what happens when
the parents choose someone so right for their child and the child refuses to
marry, even if there is no way the parents can find someone better for their
child.
In the Indian culture the people
have a strong opinion about the importance of their parents words. They believe
their parents are much wiser and have a lot more experience than they due
because of their age. That is why in arranged marriages the child believes
there is no other person than their parents to choose a spouse for them. The
parents are wise but overall patient to find the perfect match for their child.
The parents will not choose someone who is compatible for their son or daughter
and perfect to become a part of their family. Because in Indian culture if the
son is marrying the woman his parents choose as a spouse will be welcomed at
their home.
In
conclusion arranged marriages aren’t the worst thing that could ever happen to
someone. Sometimes and arranged marriage works and other times it does not
however they do have the less divorce rates compared to a love match marriage
in which the love comes before marriage. However there are other factors that
include a person might having to settle for someone their parents choose for
them and not meeting someone themselves. Although people grow to love their
arranged spouse, they should have the choice in whom they want to marry. And if
they want to marry someone their parents chose because of choice then so be it.
A person’s tradition is a person’s tradition and at times that is what defines
a person. We must learn to respect other people’s cultures and their decisions.
As well as learn to differentiate the difference between arrange marriages and
forced marriages. We need to acknowledge other cultures traditions and become
educated.
Work-Cited
Lee, Ji
Hyunn. “Modern Lessons From Arranged Marriages”. The New York Times. 18 Jan. 2013 New York Times. Web. 4 Apr. 2013
Gilderman,
Gregory. "A Journey Through Spiritual India: Arranged Marriage: An
Essay." A Journey Through
Spiritual India: Arranged Marriage: An Essay. The
Daily, 22 Apr. 2006. Web. 01 Apr. 2013.
Moss,
Meredith "From India with ... Love Arranged Marriage Custom Poses Dilemma
for Indians Born in the United States." Dayton Daily News: 0. 23
Aug 1995. ProQuest. Web. 4 Apr. 2013.
Annotated
Bibliography
Gilderman,
Gregory. "A Journey Through Spiritual India: Arranged Marriage: An
Essay." A Journey Through Spiritual India: Arranged Marriage: An Essay.
The Daily, 22 Apr. 2006. Web. 01 Apr. 2013.
Gregory Gilderman describes
arranged marriages as a New Yorker man who writes columns about the date and
nightlife. After his trip to India he no longer associates or believes
“arranged” marriage is the correct term being used for arranged marriages.
Gilderman believes these arranged marriages consist of parents networking to
find the right match for their child.
Lee, Ji
Hyun. “Modern Lessons From Arranged Marriages”. The New York Times. 18 Jan. 2013 New York Times. Web. 4 Apr. 2013
Ji Hyun Lee states different options
from a various amount of people who are going to commit and leave it up to
their parents in who they decide to wed. Although some believe they are honored
they still find it hard to adapt and keep the same traditions going. Other believe
that they will only go through an arranged marriage because their parents
decision is sacred and is the most important thing to them coming from an
Indian Culture.
Moss,
Meredith "From India with ... Love Arranged Marriage Custom Poses Dilemma
for Indians Born in the United States." Dayton Daily News: 0. 23
Aug 1995. ProQuest. Web. 4 Apr. 2013.
Meredith Moss describes the
different incidents there are to the new and different populations born of
Indians born in the United States. Although for Surendra Singhvi it is an honor
to have a line of girls lined up to him he still believes in the low divorce
rates of Indian marriages but now there is more rejection in the time-honored
practices than ever because even though children of India want to satisfy their
parents they are struggling to maintain the traditions of their ancestors.
Summary
In the article “Arranged Marriages?” Gregory
Gilderman describes arranged marriages as a New Yorker man who writes columns
about the date and nightlife. After his trip to India he no longer associates or
believes “arranged” marriage is the correct term being used for arranged
marriages. Gilderman believes these arranged marriages consist of parents
networking to find the right match for their child. The parents know their
child very well and will not settle for anything less than their child
deserves. Although the child can veto their parents decision where are they to
find a better match for them than the one their parents has already chosen for
them. Gilderman has come down to the conclusion that Indian parents use the
same criteria for an arranged marriage as the same way people all over the
world use to find a spouse for unarranged marriages. Marriages all tend to
consist of the same things and each of the partners tend to seek things they
want to have in common with their own partner. However even though he has
acknowledged arranged marriages in a different perspective he could never tell
which kind of marriage is the best or which kind of marriage is better.
This picture is showing how anonymous arranged marriages are and the type of commitment they require. Even though this is a caricature it emits a feeling of confusion and wonder at the possibility of who it could be.
