Arranged
Marriage vs. Choice Marriage
Marriage
is the union between two people recognizing them as husband and wife. You would
think that when two people decide to form this union and get married it is
because they love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives
together. However, is love really enough? In some religions and countries
around the world, arranged marriages are a highly respected and valued tradition.
Parents of the soon to be husband or wife choose mates that they find most suitable
to welcome into their families based on religion, moral values, social status,
education, and financial standing among other important factors. Arranged
marriages have been found to be more successful than choice marriages based on
love. How important is love in a marriage, if it is of any importance at all. Arranged
marriages turn out to be more successful as opposed to marriages based solely
on love because you have more things in common with your partner, which make
for a stronger common bond that can eventually flourish into love.
In
countries all around the world, the practice of marriage differs. Here in the
United States, arranged marriages aren’t a common practice and we are able to
choose who we want to marry. However, arranged marriages have been found to be
more successful and long lasting than choice marriages where the foundation is
love or physical attraction. With 40-50% of all American marriages ending in
divorce, how important is love in a marriage? One important component that
makes arranged marriages more successful than choice marriage is parental
involvement. “…one
key to a strong arranged marriage is the amount of parental involvement at its
start. The most important thing parents of the couple do, he said, is to ‘screen
for deal breakers.’”. According to
Robert Epstein, parents of the spouses play a huge role in the marriage
process. Parents look for suitable mates to bring into their families. They
take things such as education, social status, religion, and moral values into
consideration to find the “perfect mate”. Having parental approval is important
and since parents have more experience and knowledge in the marriage
department, they’re opinion and approval is highly valued.
Arranged
marriages are often looked at negatively because it is assumed that they are
unhappy and loveless. They are also at times even confused with forced
marriages which are completely different. Arranged marriages aren’t necessarily
a bad thing because you’re marrying a person whom you have more in common with
as opposed to someone whom you only share a physical attraction with. Arranged
marriages go beyond physical appearances and physical attraction, they’re built
off a stronger foundation based on common interests and values that make for a
longer lasting marriage. This was the case for A.J. Khubani and his now wife of
28 years, Poonam. It took a lot of prodding and convincing on his parents’ part
to get him to fly across the world to meet his soon to be bride back in 1985.
For them it wasn’t love at first sight as with most arranged marriages, but
their relationship did flourish and grow. “When they finally met, neither was
impressed. Mrs. Khubani recalled, ‘It wasn’t love at first sight at all.” Love
did not kick in until Mr. Khubani became sick and the young woman he had just
met stayed by his bedside to care for him.’” This is an example of how arranged
marriages can actually flourish into love and be long lasting. Choice marriages
are usually solely based on love and physical attraction but that only goes so
far. Over time, physical appearances can change so the main component of what
your marriage is based on may not be there in the long run. Arranged marriages
work out better because you have more in common with your spouse as well as
family acceptance. It is easier to welcome someone with similar interests and
values into your family because it is easier for them to blend in and be
accepted.
In Chitra
Divakaruni’s One Amazing Thing Mr.
Magnalam’s character has a similar experience. He married his wife not based on
love, but based on financial interest. He married his wife solely because of
her wealth, which he thought would bring him happiness. Instead he found
himself trapped in an unhappy and loveless marriage, which eventually led him
to having an affair and cheating on his wife. So how important is love in a
marriage? I think that in order for the marriage to actually last and be
successful, the two people have to at least have some type of chemistry or
attraction toward each other because how else is someone expected to spend the
rest of their life with someone if there is no type of connection between them.
Mr. Magnalam married his wife for the wrong reason, which is why he ended up
having an affair and cheating on her. He found himself trapped and unhappy
which is a possibility in some cases of arranged marriages. Sometimes arranged
marriages end up being unsuccessful because the mutual feelings don’t grow or
weren’t thereto begin with and the spouses just end up unhappy and resentful.
In some cases, abuse is present as well, making the marriage even worse and
less pleasant.
In the case of
Nusrat Mochi, a 25 year old Pakistani woman, she risked it all to marry the man
she loved. She ran away from her family home to run off and marry a man of her
choosing instead of the man that her parents had originally chosen for her.
Ever since their marriage four years ago Nusrat, and her husband Abbas Bhatti,
have had to relocate twice in order to get away from dangerous threats. They’ve
had to keep their location a secret in order to avoid any danger. As if that
wasn’t enough, Nusrat’s parents have even filed charges against her husband
stating that he had kidnapped her in order to end their marriage. This is
Nusrat’s story as told in Defying
Parents, Some Pakistani Women Risk All to Marry Whom They Choose, an
article in The New York Times. This is a very common issue for many Pakistani
women. Ever since marriage without the consent of a woman’s guardian became
legal in 2003, more and more women are owning up to their rights against
arranged marriages and parental authority which is one of the biggest and most
powerful institutions of Pakistani society. This is a relatively new found
freedom for Pakistani women, which is leading some of them to rebel and stand
up for their rights. However, with arranged marriage being a long held and
valued tradition in the Pakistani culture, it can be viewed as disrespectful.
In
conclusion, arranged marriages are more successful and long lasting than choice
marriages due to the fact that you share more things in common with your
partner. Having a strong physical attraction only goes so far leading to half
of the marriages in America to end in divorce. Having parental involvement as
well as approval makes for a more successful union.
Works Cited
Ladly,
Davidson Mehan. “Defying Parents, Some Pakistani Women Risk All to Marry Whom
They Choose.” The New York Times. 08
Sep.2012.Web. 27 Apr.2013.
Lee,Hyun
Ji. “Modern Lessons From Arranged Marriages.” The New York Times. 18
Jan.2013.Web.
29 Apr. 2013.
This image illustrates how things such as financial standing are taken into consideration when choosing the "perfect mate" in an arranged marriage.
http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/dpa0054l.jpg
This video demonstrates how arranged marriages can indeed be successful by showing us how an arranged couple is making it work.
Annotated Bibliography
-This article discusses how women in Pakistan are standing up for their new found rights. Arranged marriage is a long standing valued tradition in the Muslim culture. However, not all women want to take part in it. It tells the story of a young woman who risks it all to marry the man she loves. She goes against her parents and culture to go after what she wants and what makes her happy.
Lee,Hyun Ji. “Modern Lessons From Arranged Marriages.” The New York Times. 18
Jan.2013.Web. 29 Apr. 2013.
-Arranged marriages turn out to be more successful and long lasting than choice marriages for a number of reasons. Sharing common interests and values with your future spouse is more important than a strong physical attraction in making a marriage work. With half of choice marriages ending in divorce, how important is love in a marriage as opposed to common interests and family approval of your spouse.
No comments:
Post a Comment