Vahan

Arranged Marriage or Choice Marriage?

            Many of us in the United States are not too familiar what arranged marriages are or how they work, and some just assume that arranged marriages are bad. Arranged marriages are basically when the parents go out and search for a perfect spouse that they believe will fit in their family and will be a good match for their child. Even though some see marriage of choice to be better than arranged marriages, many don’t know the advantages of an arranged marriage. Some advantages of arranged marriages are that it lasts longer than choice marriage, the family takes their time to pick out the perfect spouse for their child and lastly the individuals have better financial security. Furthermore while parents go out and search for their child’s future spouse they take many factors into consideration such as the individual’s financial backround, social status and most importantly their family. Therefore arranged marriages are better than choice marriages and I believe many individuals don’t realize the advantages of having an arranged marriage. 

            Arranged marriages are not a common practice in the United States, but in some countries such as India, Pakistan and Iraq, arranged marriages are commonly practiced. Many individuals that hear the word arranged marriage tend to make an assumption that it is bad and will never last. However it is proven that arranged marriages last longer than choice marriages because more than 40% of choice marriages result in divorce (Myers). In the article “I’m happy with an arranged marriage the risk of failure is lower,” Gitangeli Sapra asserts that arranged marriages last longer because they are based on mutual interests and similar levels of education rather than just physical attraction. Sapra is stating that those who have arranged marriages take their time to choose their future spouse by looking into more than physical appearance. Many who choose choice marriage tend to not look at these important factors and this results in a divorce.

For example, in the Armenian culture we really don’t have arranged marriages but we take into consideration of the same factors that arranged marriages do. Towards the future, my parents expect me to get married to an individual who is Armenian because they would like to relate to their family. Furthermore just like arranged marriages I also will take into consideration of the female’s financial status and family backround. These key factors are what make a marriage successful, and to prove it is the divorce rate of Armenian couples. The Armenians in my community who follow the old traditions have a divorce rate that is fairly low unlike the newer generation. Moreover this results into the new generation having a high divorce ratio. Therefore this relates to arranged marriages vs. choice marriage, because the ones who follow the old traditions have a lower divorce rates vs. the one who choose choice marriage have really high divorce rate.

            Moreover another reason why arranged marriages end up into becoming lasting love is because of the involvement of the family members. First of all our parents have all got married and have experienced and now a lot about marriage so it is very important to have your family members support. Unlike choice marriage the family’s that choose an arranged marriage do not look at “love at first sight” or romantic marriages. In the article “Modern Lessons From Arranged Marriages,” Ji Hyun Lee asserts that Robert Epstein, a senior research psychologist at the American Institute for Behavior Research and Technology believes that he found the one key to a strong arranged marriage is the amount of parental involvement at its start. Epstein believes family’s look to find individual who are willing to start an actual family instead of just falling in love.

 Many believe that arranged marriages are just simply chosen and from there on the two individuals get married. It’s really not that simple because the individual’s parents take a lot of time and consideration into picking out their child’s future spouse. Arranged marriage is not strictly chosen by the parents because the child also gets the opportunity to see his/her future spouse and has the option to say no to that particular individual. In the article “Arranging a Marriage in India,” Serena Nanda could not understand the idea of how an individual can let their parents pick their spouse and believed it was a terrible idea. However throughout the article Nanda actually starts understanding how arranged marriages are formed and how the individual’s parents actually take every little detail into consideration, which made her change her thoughts about an arranged marriage. Nanda couldn’t believe how much work the family would put into finding the perfect individual to fit in their family. Nanda also had the opportunity to go around and help a family to finding a husband for the family’s daughter, and realized that an arranged marriage really requires a lot of work and that is why it is usually successful.

Furthermore in the article Nanda interviews a young lady who is going to have an arranged marriage and asks her how she agrees to marry a man she hardly knows. The young girl states “My parents would never arrange a marriage for me without knowing all about the boy’s family backround. Naturally we will not rely on what the family tells us. We will check the particulars out ourselves. No one will want their daughters to marry a family that is not good. All these things we know beforehand.” The young lady basically explains how much contribution her parents and family members have into checking every single detail about the boy and the boy’s family before allowing to marry their daughter off. Family’s always take these little factors into consideration because they want to no more about who this individual is before they bring them to their house. It also is important for the parents to meet the potential spouse’s family to see their social status and financial stability.

While parents are on the search to find a spouse for their son/daughter there are many factors that they take into consideration before allowing their child to get married. Some of these factors are the individual’s height, looks, family, and most importantly their backround. These types of factors are important because in an arranged marriage the parents want to marry their son/daughter off to a family where he or she will fit in. Unlike arranged marriages, many who choose choice marriage are swept away by their emotions and tend to not take these certain types of factors into consideration. Therefore this results in many choice marriages ending with a divorce.

Even though some see marriage of choice to be better than arranged marriages many do not realize the advantages of having an arranged marriage. Many statistics prove that arranged marriages last longer and have a fairly low divorce rate compared to choice marriage. This low rate is because of more family involvement in arranged marriages compared to choice marriage. Also in arranged marriages individuals are most likely to become more financially stable than those who prefer choice marriage. Therefore I believe arranged marriages are better than marriages of choice.

                 

Works Cited

Myers, Jane E., Jayamala Madathil and Lynne R. Tingle. “Marriage Satisfaction And

Wellness In India And The United States: A Preliminary Comparison Of Arranged Marriages And Marriages Of Choice.” Journal of Counseling & Development 83.2 (2005): 183-190. Academic Search Elite. Web.2 Apr.2013.

Nanda, Serena. Arranging a Marriage in India. Print.

Lee,Hyun Ji. “Modern Lessons From Arranged Marriages.” The New York Times. 18

Jan.2013.Web. 27 Apr. 2013.

Sapra, Gitangeli. “I’m happy with an arranged marriage the risk of failure is lower.” The Sunday

Time.4 May. 2003 .Web.3 Apr.2013.

   Annotated Bibliography

Myers, Jane E., Jayamala Madathil and Lynne R. Tingle. “Marriage Satisfaction And

Wellness In India And The United States: A Preliminary Comparison Of Arranged Marriages And Marriages Of Choice.” Journal of Counseling & Development 83.2 (2005): 183-190. Academic Search Elite. Web.2 Apr.2013. This article provides a study to examine arranged marriages in India and marriage of choice by those who live in the United States.  They also describe some of the advantages an arranged marriage had, such as lasting longer than marriage of choice.

Nanda, Serena. Arranging a Marriage in India. Print. In the book we see multiple examples of

Individuals being ready to have an arranged marriage. We also see how the individuals like arranged marriages because their parents put a lot of effort and time into choosing their future spouse. Lastly we see the steps of how an arranged marriage actually occurs.

Lee, Hyun Ji. “Modern Lessons From Arranged Marriages.” The New York Times. 18

Jan.2013.Web. 27 Apr. 2013.In the article we see many examples of how we can benefit from and arranged marriage and that they actually turn into lasting love. In the article we also see the author explain the number one importance in a n arranged marriage is family involvement.

Sapra, Gitangeli. “I’m happy with an arranged marriage the risk of failure is lower.” The Sunday

Time.4 May. 2003 .Web.3 Apr.2013.The article shows us an example of an arranged marriage taking place and describes the benefits of having one. The article also asserts how there is more family involvement in an arranged marriage rather than in choice marriage.

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“I’m happy with an arranged marriage - the risk of failure is lower” Summary

In the article “I'm happy with an arranged marriage - the risk of failure is lower” Sapra, Gitangeli asserts the advantages of a being involved in an arranged marriage. In the article Gitangeli, a twenty-four year old Hindu who is experiencing an arranged marriage states that forty percent of marriages that are made for love end in divorce. Gitangeli believes that arranged marriages last longer because “arranged unions are based on mutual interests and similar levels of education rather than physical attraction.” Lastly Gitangeli believes that her parents take their time to find the perfect husband for her and therefore she believes arranged marriages are better due to lasting longer and having family involvement.

Article Citation

Sapra, Gitangeli. "I'm Happy with an Arranged Marriage - the Risk of Failure is Lower."

Sunday Times: 16. May 04 2003. ProQuest. Web. 29 Mar. 2013 .

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 Image/Video

- In thepicture above we basically see on divorces in the U.S. It also show the amount of divorces from a first marriage to the third.

Picture Citation

Mckinley, Irvin. “32 Shocking Divorce Statistics.” Photo. 30 Oct.2012. 27 Apr.2013.

 

-Here is a video on arranged marriages and in the video a couple is interviewed and asked about there marriage. In the video they state many reasons why they prefer arranged marriages and what factors they take into consideration when choosing there spouse.

Video Citation

imDrDVS."Arranged Marriage."Online Video Clip. Youtube. Youtube,19 Jul. 2007.Web.27 Apr.2013.